Same ol’ mistakes

Storytime:

2023 brought new and unexpected experiences into my life. I’m grateful for the journey and for the chance to share in its adventures. Staying committed to strengthening my mind and spirit continuing upward has not always been easy. It’s been a challenging path, shaped by both hope and reality.

Living in America as a person of color often means navigating spaces that don’t always welcome you fully. There’s a comfort people find in seeing us constantly grinding “hustling,” “back at it” but rarely in seeing us simply existing, growing, or resting. Sometimes we don’t realize how deeply we’re buried because we’ve never been shown which direction leads upward. When you’ve spent enough time in the dark, even dim light can feel sustaining.

I often hear stories that begin with, “When I was coming up, we didn’t have much, but…” and there’s always a “butt.” A justification, a lesson, or a comparison. It raises a question: who are we in that narrative? The one holding on, the one learning, or the one taking the hit?

America is complex. Living in this environment shapes resilience, but also emotional distance armor built from necessity. I’ve spent months searching for a career, for a calling, watching others step into pathways they seemed guided toward from the start. Some people grew up with clear instruction on building careers instead of just finding jobs. I must have missed that conversation.

My first real career opportunity came only after a near-death experience a moment that forced me to confront how fragile everything is. That chapter is easy for others to forget, but I still carry it. Where do we put feelings like that? Where do they live once the moment passes?

We call this the home of the free, yet many of us live paycheck to paycheck. No matter how finances shift, the instability leaves an imprint. I remember thinking about proposing to someone I cared deeply about, then questioning whether I’d ever earn enough to prove stability to their family or even to myself. The idea of financial security can feel distant when supporting yourself and planning something as simple as a vacation seem mutually exclusive. For me, “getting away” has often meant attending another conference something I welcome, even if it’s not true rest.

My family has endured its share of hardship. My mother losing her home. My brother facing incarceration. The loss of relatives through negligence. Experiences like these shape perspective they influence how you see opportunity, risk, and survival. So yes, it’s understandable that I carry these reflections, especially after another tax season reminding me how fragile financial footing can feel.

Still, I continue forward. Because reflection isn’t defeating its awareness. And awareness is what allows growth, purpose, and direction to take root.

Still,

J.R.